Newt Gingrich likes to compare himself to Winston Churchill, shown here in 1939, London, England, UK, when he was First Lord of the Admiralty. Credit: Bettmann/CORBIS |
It’s
been quite a month.
After
Newt’s distant fourth-place finish in Iowa, the former House Speaker vowed to
“tell the truth” about former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney.
“We are not going
to go out and run nasty ads, but I do reserve the right to tell the truth,” he
told less than 100 supporters just before jetting out of Des Moines. “If the truth seems negative, that may be
more a comment on his [Romney’s] record than the nature of politics.”
Oh, but it’s been
nasty.
To win
South Carolina, Newt’s “independent”—wink, wink, nod, nod—super PAC carpet-bombed
the state with a 27-minute video accusing Mitt of “predatory” business
practices. So says former Newt confidant, now independent Newt super PAC head,
Rick Tyler.
After Newt won
South Carolina, he couldn’t be bothered with that insignificant former Governor sharing the debate stage with him.
Whatever happened to Reagan’s 11th commandment? In the heat of battle, you lob attacks, based on a candidate’s record, and defend yourself when you think you’ve been unfairly attacked. But, once the battle’s been waged, you observe all the niceties.
Not
Newt. He routinely calls Mitt a “liar,”
brandishing his political knife aimed squarely at “the Gov,” acting just like a Shark in
a scene straight out of West Side Story.
But,
cross over into Brooklyn to a far different 50s reality—the set of “I Love
Lucy”—and you’ll find imaginatively fertile higher ground to help Republicans
live the 11th commandment.
Take a
glimpse of “Lucy Tells the Truth,” first airing on November 9, 1953.
Ricky and the Mertzes are fed up with Lucy’s constant fibbing. She had just finished embellishing the truth,
saying she played a starring role in Oklahoma.
You
know—like when Newt compares himself to historic leaders such as Winston
Churchill.
Inspired
by this episode, Mitt, being the solutions-oriented businessman he is, decided
to accept Newt’s Lincoln-Douglas debate challenge. The only catch is, just like
Ricky and the Mertzes, who bet Lucy she couldn’t tell just the truth for 24
hours, Newt had to tell the truth no matter what. Here are a few snippets from that debate.
FADE IN:
INT. DEBATE
AUDITORIUM—NIGHT
The
Romney-Gingrich Lincoln-Douglas-style debate is just starting. All eyes are on the former Speaker as Mitt
Romney addresses a question to him.
MITT
ROMNEY
Mr.
Speaker, you said Freddie Mac paid you
$1.6
million to provide historical commentary.
Wasn’t
that a bit of a stretch? Some could
even
say, well, you were lying—something
you often
accuse me of?
Gingrich
nervously fidgets and looks at Mitt Romney, who is trying to suppress a smile.
CLOSE-UP:
Beads of sweat popping out on Newt’s brow as, for once, he’s speechless.
MITT
ROMNEY
Mr. Speaker, was it
a lie?
NEWT
GINGRICH
OK, it was a bit of a stretch. But, this is Washington.
Stretches are our stock in trade.
Stretches are our stock in trade.
MITT
ROMNEY
You mean you didn't tell the the whole truth?
NEWT GINGRICH
NEWT GINGRICH
Well, if you seem
shocked by it… yes... I could
have provided a more precise definition. But,
historical commentary is what I do best. It fit.
have provided a more precise definition. But,
historical commentary is what I do best. It fit.
CLOSE-SHOT:
Ron Paul’s eyes bugging out.
INT.
DEBATE AUDITORIUM—LATER
The
debate continues. Newt is sweating
profusely.
MITT
ROMNEY
Mr.
Speaker, you said you were a Goldwater
Republican
at the first Florida debate, but in
1988
when that wasn’t too cool, you bragged
you were actually a
Rockefeller Republican.
Which
one is it?
Gingrich
nervously fidgets and looks at Rick Santorum, who is all eyes.
NEWT
GINGRICH
Neither. But, it seemed right in the moment.
MITT
ROMNEY
That’s
what you accuse me of! Isn’t
that
a
little hypocritical?
Newt sheepishly
nods his head.
CLOSE-SHOT:
Rick Santorum’s eyes bugging out.
FADE OUT.
Now
back to reality where Reagan’s 11th commandment is being ripped to
shreds. (Newt didn’t even congratulate “the Gov” for his landslide win in the Sunshine State.)
But,
it doesn’t have to be that way.